i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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