Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
