i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
