Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Never underestimate the power of titties
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The air taste purple.
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