The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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