we have pet lesbian snakes
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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