Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
