bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
