I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
what day is it and did you see me today?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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