There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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