i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
