i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
