I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
