i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
