I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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