How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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