She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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