you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
