If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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