There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
