Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
