Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
