summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
