just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize