Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
