As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
