Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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