Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
