in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
