His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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