please come you make the beer taste better
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
