Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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