I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
