Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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