I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
