I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How external is "for external use only"?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
