Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So apparently I’m into choking now
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