The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
