ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
