Umm I'm too high to move.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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