I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
i believe in u and ur pee
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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