My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
