After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
