On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
