In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
