I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
