Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
