Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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