Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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