she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
