Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
