there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This is my gift to your gina
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
