eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
