His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
All the doctor said was why
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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