I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
my liver is dry heaving
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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