dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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