i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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