Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
