Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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