You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize