you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
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