Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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