You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
