my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I love having hate sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
