You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
