Already got asked if we're dating
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
